Don't Call It a Comeback; CoTTBMMTTRS Vol. 1

I understand we've lost a lot of our faithful readers by this point and to be honest, it's completely understandable. Let's evaluate the brief history of Allantoeidēs. We started with great optimism and enthusiasm. It was a fresh beginning, we were brimming with wit and humor, and enough inspiration to drop little nuggets of personality at a fantastic pace. From November 29th to December 19th, we managed to write 15 unique posts. Then winter break hit us. The busy holiday season consumed us and we went dormant for the whole break. We never got back on track after that putting out a paltry 9 posts since, half of them being John apologizing for not writing in a while and one lame very, very forgettable human trafficking joke that John botched completely. We could just let it go at this point and I doubt anyone would care but we're making one last ditch attempt to save it. I promise you more posts (4 per week guaranteed) and less John-joke-fails (no guarantees there). We will earn your trust back.

With that out of the way, let me give you the first installment of the Compilation of Things That Bother Me More Than They Really Should. Or CoTTBMMTTRS for short.

1. RAS syndrome. RAS stands for Redundant Acronym Syndrome and you've probably been guilty of at least one of the acronym errors that fall under RAS. How many times have you heard or said PIN number or ATM machine? Well, if you think about it, PIN number means Personal Identification Number number and ATM machine means Automated Teller Machine machine. These acronyms include the word you are adding after it; they got it under control. Assume that your listener knows the definitions of common acronyms such as PIN, ATM, or HIV and don't add the needless word. It's like saying, "I drive a SUV vehicle." I've made these errors at some point in my life I'm sure but it's definitely something I try to avoid now.
2. Unnecessary/excessive capitalization of internet acronyms. Capitalization of acronyms is usually the norm but the internet is the exception. Whenever anything is capitalized on the internet, that is the equivalent of yelling it. Honestly, I lose brain cells every time someone LOLs or ROTFLMAOMGs at me when I ask them what they had for breakfast. This is how such conversations go (screen names have been altered to ensure anonymity):
   

   seventwentytwo89: hey
   seventwentytwo89: did you im me earlier? I was taking a shower.
   SupASaIyIn4125: LOL
   SupASaIyIn4125: yeah
   seventwentytwo89: what's up?
   SupASaIyIn4125: nothin much
   SupASaIyIn4125: LOL
   SupASaIyIn4125: wanna go grab food later?
   SupASaIyIn4125: LOL
   seventwentytwo89 has gone offline.

   A simple lol will suffice most times. To be really honest about it, most times people should be using lqtm (laugh quietly to myself) if they want to be completely accurate because how often do you really "laugh out loud" (much less "roll on the floor laughing")? I don't expect that much out of you but just don't LOL at me every other line.
3. Doing dishes. And laundry. There is nothing funny or interesting to say about this because dishes and laundry are never funny nor interesting.
4. The whole concept of Superman. It's been addressed by greater minds than me in more eloquent words but it bothers me nonetheless. First, he's either overly strong to the point where it's not really intriguing (in presence of Earth sun but not in presence of Kryptonite) or overly weak to the point where it's not really intriguing (in presence of Kryptonite). So in short, he is rarely intriguing. This leads to half of his major battles happening like this: Supes starts out kicking villain's ass, villain reveals his stash of Kryptonite (surprise!), Supes gets so weakened that he is getting beat by mediocre punches and kicks, Supes/Lois Lane/other ally knocks the Kryptonite into a lead vase or far away enough from Superman for him to regain the upper hand and kick villain's ass for good. Secondly, this guy Clark Kent looks exactly like Superman minus the tights, glasses, and little hair twist and everyone is fooled? Never mind the fact that they're never seen together, they are both tall and ridiculously barrel-chested. I've tried to create an alter-ego with glasses and hair gel and it doesn't work even in a school full of Asians. Everyone who knows Clark Kent and has seen Superman should be able to make that connection barring legal blindness.
5. Plot holes in Heroes. Like the Irish girl that Peter Petrelli was boning in Season 2. That got stuck in the future and Peter doesn't really seem to remember/care. I'm precipitously [great word] close to cutting my losses and dropping the show from the list of things I care about for a show that deserves it like The Wire or shows I've heard good things about like Californication, Dollhouse, and How I Met Your Mother.

Until the next time...

April Fool's Day

Something to think about....

As I was planning nefarious schemes today to enact on people, it became clear to me the amount of commitment, the amount of planning required was enormous. It was almost unbearable and the satisfaction you would get of lying to someone's face and getting away with it, was drained by the constant need of awareness to exactly what your next move was.

Since when did april fool's day get so complicated? As a child a simple fart on you, whoopee cushion you, gunk in the hair; All these things could have sufficed as a prank but now that we've grown everything is so psychological. How can we fuck with your head the most in this day and make your believe it is our goal more than how can we humiliate you in a small funny way. What does that say about us as a rising generation of adults? 

Just some food for thought.